Power of journaling
I have been journaling on my feelings, major life events and day-to-day happenings since I was around 10 years old. It has mostly served as a place to confide my most confusing, intimate, and intense feelings into something without the task of monitoring how the person I confided in was reacting. Free expression. Loosening of the pressure valve.
In the past couple of years, I started to go back and read journal entries from 5, 10 years ago. I realized that it felt like I was reading the journal of someone else. Some of her struggles felt very familiar (as in, I’m still dealing with that!?) and some of her words felt foreign (as in, did I really feel that way?) Through this review of my writing, I have become aware of what is true and unchanging about me. The observer. The observer is always present. In the past 6 months, I have started to record myself on my voice memo on my iphone speaking candidly about anything and everything that is heavy on my heart. When I play it back, I hear the texture, tone and energy of my voice of that particular state I was in but without the emotional charge attached. Just like with journaling, I feel a separation from the voice I hear. It feels like I’m listening to an old friend (or sometimes a person I don’t really like). The emotions change with each audio message but, again, the observer is always present. I became the audience of me and witnessed the state I was inhabiting.
In becoming a witness to my experience, I am able to identify and, with practice, detach from the diminishing stories I have been telling. When I’m an audience member, I’m giving myself an opportunity to have a bird’s eye view of my thought patterns and behaviors. The spaciousness that comes with being an observer is intrinsic to creating other possibilities. I am giving myself an opportunity to tell a different story and inhabit a different state. When this happens, new paths are created and new opportunities show up.
Journaling or audio recordings of yourself are tools for allowing your feelings to flow without judgement. If we don’t give our feelings a way to be acknowledged and allowed, they will stay stuck in our bodies and make us ill.
Reading and listening to your experience serves as a reminder about the part of you that never dies. The edgeless, eternal observer. In our physical state, everything has a beginning, duration and end. Our feelings, relationships, bodies, etc. But our essence, the non-judgmental observer, is eternal.
Start getting more curious about yourself. Try journaling or recording yourself speaking on an emotional topic. A day or week later, go back and review. Do you notice any thought patterns?
